Verse 1 (Rayneman):
I'm just a fuck up trying to unfuck up my situation
Holding a shovel, I dig through layers of frustration
They say it's all in the state of mind, so I put my mind on stasis
Wear a happy face, look for rainbows and chase it
But chasing happiness is like building card towers in the wind
No matter what you do, it's gonna tumble down in the end
Still I gotta front that I got my marbles together
Force a smile just to walk by your side, hoping that you'll make it better
You know half of my time's spent spewing some posi vibe shit
But deep within my heart's recesses, I know it's all nonsense
Just as spiteful and conniving as my antithesis
Little satanspawn reaching out for that hand of Jesus
Too real for those I ride with, too fake for those I rock with
That smile you hate stuck on my face and overtakes my conscience
Until the day that every one of you turn on me
I'll still be smiling all alone in purgatory
Hook:
It's so easy to lie
No one sees through my smiles
When I'm expressing
Feels like I'm transgressing in your eyes
It's so easy to lie
No one sees through my smiles
Scattered dreams in the sky
Along with each piece of my life
Is it too late to pick up all the missing parts?
I wanna go back from the start
Verse 2 (Kensa):
I'm in it to win it, I’m shooting for the zenith, break from the prison of my inhibitions
Conflicted on whether to listen to my shoulder angel or inner demons
What is the weight of a flick of a pen if it hardly changes the minds of men?
It's nothing but a speck in the infinite spectrum of interrelated butterfly effects
Still, I plunge into fictional narratives like a messianic renaissance man
Megalomania shredded to sediments, dreams of a god transcending from man
I refuse to be broken down to repetitive sets of influences
'Cause I went down from being the best to getting the worst of my depression
Now listen:
Bullets are raining from every direction, I'm spitting up blood from my wounded reflection
I try to be perfect with my imperfections, I'm shooting with my eyes closed, misdirected
To the innocent men I never wanted to war with, gotta stand tall 'spite the painful process
Of losing your friends to a game that ponders to the selfish even if it breaks another soul
Exacerbated by my pain and anger
Every waking moment feels like a blade of a dagger
Being driven to my hollow chest that I am barely breathing with
I'm killing my darlings, down to the last bullet of the gun that I will shoot myself with
Verse 3 (Mocksmile):
Stay on the background, pretend that it's cool
Wait for the last round, deny a revenue
Drool on the scenery and act like a fool
Nod my head as I get back at the queue
Never be defined at the highest point of my life
Every time I feel alive, I always close my eyes
And refuse to see what can be if I only took two steps
Will it count as a victory?
Before I drown from the misery that I used to be
The one to fix catastrophes, create all of the masterpieces
From the mastery of calamities
Even shadows couldn't see the shade under my strongest canopy
(no, no)
I dive the attic for misplaced chances
Before it went all tragic, pictures painted on the piles of garbage
Only strong from afar
Come nearer and clearly you'll see all my scars
The feeling is fear, sincerely want to restart
And throw all my cards
Repeat hook
Verse 4 (Nakr):
Everyday, my face is painted with a smile that's fabricated
As a way to remain sane in this hell that I've created
Every layer's made up of unattainable aims
That I thought would aid in saving me a space in a safe haven
I remember those moments wherein I initiated
On taking baby steps to step away from a state of being jaded
Evading the statements indicated by my cranium
Intended to impede my intentions so as to keep me safe from
Falling down a rabbit hole, housing a thousand false hopes
Reaching out, just to force-open a thousand close doors
So that all of my longings break loose and run amok
To open up a thousand wounds that are bound to leave a mark
When I'm about to take a step back, I realized I sank too deep
In this abyss that I am in, swimming in a cesspool of tears
One of these days, I'll bathe in acid rain to eradicate the pain
But not today, 'cause I still have a long list of smiles to fake
Verse 5 (Soupherb):
Staring at light but emitted display for 5 or 7 days a week
We always worked and played but I contemplate if this a life worth to keep
With only 5 hours of sleep while juggling life with hands and feet
Yet I gain small victories but they don't matter because of soul-crushing defeats
Feels like they tie me up to my seat, turned blue then slowly losing my heat
How do I fight back with a crunched mind during crunch time? I'll get fired
How do I fly high when I'm wasting my time on the ground while I'm so inspired?
Already tired, quit on this world then move onto the next just like my faded fire
My life's a rolling tire on a depressing slope, losing hope, for once I was dope
But somewhere between living was dropping low notes, it was hard to cope
No brainer I had to show patience, determination it was the only way for me to grow
It was slow and steady, plenty of time to learn all the things that I need to know
Learning is painful, no wonder why "learning process" exists
Either it overwhelms you or overcome the challenge which is the sweetest
Learned that there's no difference between righteousness and wickedness
How do I know? I learned how to be one with angels and demons
